Pest Friend

$Pest Friend \pest frend\ n.: Once your best friend, your childhood chum who refuses to grow up and is hell bent on making sure you don’t either. Chloe’s eyes narrow as she listens to the voice mail from Jason’s pest friend: "Dude, Chase's last night as a free man—we’re going to rip this town a new one. I lined up the talent—check your email for the full-frontal 411. You can get rid of Chlo-jo for one night, right? Tell her it's poker night. Get it? Poker. Ejacu-later, alligator." Seeing Chloe’s face, Jason's smile fades as soon as he walks in the door. You know the guy. The one who collects beer taps and vintage Playboys (vintage, meaning he never throws any away). Your pest friend drinks all your beer, then guzzles the good wine. At parties, he’ll open the bathroom door while sitting on the toilet and say, “Somebody talk to me.” He’ll crash on your sofa even if your girl is spending the night, making porn-music noise outside the closed bedroom door and drinking beer for breakfast. Your girlfriend hates this man, especially since he takes every opportunity to bait her (“Hey man, send the little woman out for another six pack”) and because he loves getting you in trouble (“Remember that chick you did in college—Marcy? Mandy? Killer rack, whiny voice? She was asking about you the other day.”) What can you do? He’s your pest friend.$

Ever unleash your inner Tammy? Suffer a fatal Exit Wound? Gone through Manopause? Of course you have. You just didn't realize it - until now. BarCode is an irreverent glossary of dating words that allows both sexes to put a name to their pain. Now you’ll be able to instantly recognize the subtle difference between Cute Crazy and just plain crazy crazy, and know in a flash if the relationship can survive his Pest Friend or her Idiotsyncrasies. More importantly, you’ll become fluent in the art of pillow talk and be able to answer that age-old dating question: what’s that supposed to mean?

Published by Conari Press. An imprint of Red Wheel Weiser.